The Mother of All Melt Downs, The review that isn't shy! (Halloween Edition)

 

The review that isn't shy! 

Halloween Edition,

 You've Been Warned

 Mommy meltdowns. Why are these not talked about more! Is it the fear of being shamed? Of feeling like less of a mother? We've all been there. I know I have. I have lucked out the public meltdowns (I am the master of avoidance). But I have become a bumbling, shaking crying mess at home. Then by the time nap time comes around I find my peace. Then I look back and I am like, “Whats the big deal, it's fine!” Then rinse and repeat. Toddler are just short drunks stumbling, drooling, babbling, and they just want to pick a fight, with you. You're just the innocent by standard trying to have a drink in peace. Then along comes a drunk midget who(unknowing to you) grabs your phone. Then proceeds's to introduce it to either the dog bowl, toilet, trash can, or buys hundreds of dollars in gems on Bakery Story. That's what they do, they take ink stamps and stamp the entire house. They take your wallet and 'play' with your debit card. They put their own lotion on (if you for get to pick up the butt cream before nap time) thinking their butt paste is lotion. This has happened twice to me, once with Vaseline, the second with Desitin. There s no book for this! I have found a movie, you've seen it, it's called The Omen (Damien)! But now there's a collection of true stories. 30 brave bloggers have shared their stories, their encounters with the Shorter Kind...

☠ Do not read this book if you are on your first pregnancy. I'm afraid you might just duct tape your legs together to delay the inevitable. Do not read this book if you are 'blissed' out and are planning for your first baby. It might send you running to the hills in sheer terror.

☠ Do read this if you haven't showered in two days. You have dried toddler munchies attached to your ass and something that possibly resembles poop encrusted in your wedding ring. Did you just look at your ring? I took a close look at mine the other day. Its still in a ring bath.

☠ Do give this to your tween or teen. The best dose of reality you can give her. Because you know she won't hear it coming from you! Did you really listen to your mom, without rolling your eyes?

This collection of horror, and humor rivals anything that Steven King ever wrote. Poop and walks of shame, yup that's mother hood alright. And it's hilarious. Enter the Mommy Meltdown. Funny, yes down right funny... like in hind sight. Even MORE funny when it's not YOU too. That's why this collection from 30 Mommy bloggers was my therapy. I laughed and cried.

I feel like I had over two dozen new sisters to share my war wounds with. Two dozen sisters to help heal my battle scars. 30 stories to help remind you that you're doing OK and you're right, and wrong. What, what!? It's great to know that the grass is not greener on the other side of the parenting fence. You are not wrong for choosing your parenting style. Because the Dr. Spock mommy, the cry it out mommy, the co-sleeper mommy, they are having a shitty day just like you.☺

We have to remember our sweet little darlings are really just magical creatures monsters. When tempted by (invisible to us) magical forces they turn into little ranting monsters. They ooze, leak, spit, bite and howl like wolves. No book covers this. Nope I checked. Well unless you count an exorcism. The best we can do is muster through, meltdown, make a comeback and share. We no longer live in a village of women to help each other. But with little books like this we can create one through our 'social media/blogger mommy village'. Where again like the past, to help one another out. Then be there to laugh at one another (later of course).

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Next book I think, training for husbands during the throws of a meltdown? Because how dare the respond to frantic calls, and texts for help while deep in the throws of a meltdown with “I'm Sorry.” Damn them all! ☺

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“After I finished telling my story Hubby calmly said, “And how do you feel now? Better?” Clearly he was not listening at all. “

-”The Backpack that Broke the Mama’s Back” By Angela Keck, Writer Mom’s Blog

http://www.ifc.com/fix/2012/04/ten-evil-children-in-movies

http://themotherofallmeltdowns.com/the-book/

https://www.facebook.com/themotherofallmeltdowns